In our increasingly digital work world, virtual communications have become the norm in our workplaces. While this comes with some unprecedented benefits, it also has its downsides. Tone doesn’t always translate well in a medium like text, and sometimes, your coworkers might feel more emboldened to be nasty behind the safety of a screen. Factors like these create the perfect storm for a troubling modern work trend: the passive-aggressive email—something that 83% of Americans say they’ve received from a coworker, according to a recent Preply survey.
Passive aggression from coworkers can make any workplace feel toxic, but it isn’t always easy to identify and address. In this post, we’ll go over ways to help you spot passive-aggressive behavior, as well as how to resolve conflict before it gets in the way of your work.
How to Spot Passive-Aggressive Behavior at Work
There’s no way to guarantee that you always know what your coworkers are thinking and feeling. However, these three things are pretty common signs of passive-aggressive behavior. Here’s what to look out for.
Written Communication Style
Back to that infamous passive-aggressive email trend. Preply’s survey found that certain phrases and behaviors around communication were common to prickly coworkers.
Phrases like “Per my last email,” “Correct me if I’m wrong,” “As previously mentioned,” “Just a gentle reminder,” and “Going forward” top the list for the most passive-aggressive language common to emails. And the top five behaviors that rub survey respondents the wrong way are:
- Sending unnecessary reminders
- Ignoring emails, or replying with minimal responses
- Using overly formal language
- Having a negative tone
- Using non-humorous sarcasm
A coworker using one of these phrases or engaging in these behaviors doesn’t necessarily mean they’re acting passive-aggressive—sometimes, things come off in a way they don’t mean, or wires get crossed. But, in general, these are pretty good indicators that your coworker is frustrated in a way they won’t directly express.
Bad Attitude
Does your coworker act one way to your face and another way behind your back? This kind of schoolyard behavior might seem unthinkable in the workplace, but, unfortunately, it’s more common than you’d hope.
Passive-aggressive coworkers might gossip about staff who aren’t present. They might make mean, snide, or negative jokes or comments about people you work with, your work, or your job, or act cold and withdrawn when your work depends on them.
You might also notice some kind of disparity in how they communicate. For example, what they say to you with their words doesn’t seem to match their facial expression or tone. Shifting from written to verbal communication can be another example of this—Preply’s survey found that 65% of employees experience coworkers who send passive-aggressive emails but then are friendly face-to-face.
Lack of Professionalism
Passive-aggressive behavior doesn’t just make people uncomfortable—it also tends to create tension in the workplace. 66% of Preply’s survey respondents said that such communication gives them anxiety to the extent that it hurts their productivity. 23% even said that it’s played a role in their decision to quit a job.
Passive-aggressive coworkers tend to be more than petty. Their behavior sometimes escalates to meaningfully disrupting others’ ability to work by withholding information, abusing workplace policies, doing low-quality work, or even sabotaging work on purpose.
It can also stem from a stressful power dynamic. Of the employees who said they’ve been on the receiving end of a passive-aggressive email, 42% stated that it came from a superior.
How to Address Conflict at Work
Usually, passive-aggressive behavior is a way people indirectly express their negative feelings. While it might be stressful to engage, finding a way to address those feelings openly and honestly can help you resolve conflicts before they escalate. Here are a few strategies to try.
1. Be Direct
According to Preply’s survey, the most common reason people send passive-aggressive emails is to reciprocate a coworker’s passive-aggression (31%). Don’t be tempted to contribute to this cycle.
Instead, call out the behavior. Try to keep your tone friendly and professional, but let your coworkers know that what they’re saying or doing isn’t appropriate. For example, if they make a negative joke, you might say, “It seems like we’re using humor to avoid a more serious conversation. What makes this conversation difficult?”
2. Establish Boundaries
If your coworker’s behavior is affecting your work, creating boundaries with them might lessen their impact on you, especially if you’ve already tried to talk to them. If they’re missing deadlines or “forgetting” to attend meetings, you can say no to picking up their slack or filling them in.
3. Reflect on Yourself
How do you respond to conflict? Do you sometimes tell your coworkers that something’s “fine” when it’s not? Maybe you’ve sent a curt email when you were in a rush or made a negative comment about a coworker blowing off steam. Reflecting on your own behavior helps ensure you’re not engaging in passive aggression inadvertently or otherwise contributing to tension in the workplace.
4. Help Coworkers Feel Recognized
If you aren’t in a leadership position, it isn’t always possible to dole out meaningful recognition or rewards for hard-working staff. But even just recognizing your coworker’s efforts with a positive comment can go a long way. Sometimes, the cause of passive-aggression is as simple as a person feeling unrecognized or like their work doesn’t matter. Spreading some positivity can help people feel like they make a meaningful contribution to the workplace.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with conflict in the workplace is never pleasant. However, even in the best situation, external stressors, work-related pressure, and personal feelings can get the better of people—it’s just in our nature.
5 Tips for Navigating Chatty Coworkers(Opens in a new browser tab)
If you’re running into passive aggression from your coworkers, try using our tips to diffuse the tension. While it’s always important to be polite and kind, no one has the right to make you feel uncomfortable at work.
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