The gay dating scene is colorful, exciting, and adventurous. However, depending on where you live, it can also be challenging and even risky for members of the gay community.
This is even true in the US, where gay marriage has been legal across all states for years. However, even with that being the case, certain parts of the country are still not safe for gay people and for other members of the LGBTQ community.
So, if you’re wondering about getting into dating, which are the most gay-friendly cities you can do so in, where can you expect to see a vibrant gay community, and where is it still risky to come out as a part of your local gay community?
What Criteria Did We Use To Rank The Best Cities For Gay Dating In The US?
Much of this is difficult to quantify as your personal safety, as well as your success in dating depends on various factors, not all of which can be measured.
However, there are certain major factors that we can certainly calculate and that definitely play a big role in how good a certain city or state are for dating within the LGBT community and how safe or unsafe it is to do so. Here are the main seven factors we explored when looking for the “gayest cities” out there.
1. By The Highest Municipal Equality Index Score
As a part of the Human Rights Campaign, the municipal equality index score, or the MEI for short, examines how inclusive the city council services, policies, and laws are in any given city to members of LGBT communities.
This alone doesn’t make cities with high MEI scores “good” or “safe” for dating, but the Human Rights Campaign gives us a good indication of how safe it is for queer folks and gay communities to live there and how gay-friendly as whole specific areas are.
As of writing this, the US cities with the highest MEI scores are:
Madison, WI
San Francisco, CA
Orlando, FL
Austin, TX
Tampa, FL
2. Most LGBTQ Community Support Centers Per Capita
As mentioned above, the presence of community support centers in a given area doesn’t necessarily make the entire city better or worse for dating. However, it does make the city as a whole a better living space for LGBTQ folks, and that indirectly translates to a better dating experience.
As of today, the cities in the US with the highest number of LGBTQ support centers per 100,000 people are:
Pittsburgh, PA
Orlando, FL
Naperville, IL
St. Petersburgh, FL
Fort Lauderdale, FL
3. Highest Share Of Single Adults
This category doesn’t just include LGBTQ single adults but all single adults overall. The two values are correlative to each other, however, so it’s relatively easy to just factor the broader share of single adults into the equation.
Typically, cities and areas with more university students and/or larger urban areas have more single adults, and it’s no surprise that such places are great for dating whether you’re straight or gay.
Right now, the US cities with the highest number of single adults per 100,000 people are:
Detroit, MI
Rochester, NY
Cleveland, OH
Atlanta, GA
Dayton, OH
4. Most Gay Bars And Gay Nightlife Clubs Per Capita
Dating is most commonly done in two ways – in bars and clubs or on dating apps (and then – in bars and clubs). So, a city with many LGBTQ-owned bars will typically be a great dating arena for the LGBT population there.
More broadly, the presence of a gay bar and other queer culture establishments in an area indicates that these aren’t just relatively liberal cities but are places where gay men and women can feel at least somewhat comfortable being themselves in public.
And while the exact number of gay bars and clubs in a given area is constantly shifting and difficult to calculate, as of right now, the ranking looks like this (per 100,000 people):
Fort Lauderdale, FL
Akron, OH
New Orleans, LA
Sunrise Manor, NV
Paradise, NV
5. Fewest Sexuality-Related And Gender-Related Crimes Per Capita
Gender- and sexuality-motivate crimes are obviously a huge problem for all LGBT people. This is especially true when dating, however, as a large number of sexual assaults and hate crimes happen while dating. No amount of rainbow flags on the streets can help if the streets themselves simply aren’t safe for LGBTQ communities.
As of right now, the cities with the lowest hate crime rates against LGBTQ folks (per 100,000 people) are ranked as follows:
Akron, OH
Atlanta, GA
Miami, FL
Frisco, TX
Salt Lake City, UT
6. Most Gay Pride Parades And Events Per Year
Pride parades aren’t directly related to the dating success or safety of people in the LGBTQ population, but they are a good indication of how active gay people are in a given area.
The cities with the highest number of Gay Pride Events, including weird queer culture events, such as a gay rodeo (per 100,000 people) in the US are:
New York City, NY
Los Angeles, CA
Miami, FL
Chicago, IL
Las Vegas, NV
7. Potential Threat Of Removing Same-Sex Marriage Rights
Lastly, for a factor we shouldn’t have to discuss but we’d better not skip – there are numerous US cities in states that still officially prohibit same-sex marriage unions.
Yes, marriage equality is allowed on a federal level all throughout the US, thanks to the Obergefell v. Hodgesruling. However, with Republicans soon to control all branches of government, including the Supreme Court, and with both Republican politicians and judges saying that Orbergefell “can be reconsidered,” it can be left to the states to decide how they rule on same-sex marriage – same as just happened with Roe v. Wade.
Should same-sex marriage rights be left to the states, same-sex couples in more than half of US states will be left with no marriage rights. A total of 31 US statescurrently have laws banning or limiting same-sex marriage rights, and all those bans will immediately go into effect should Obergefell be overturned by the current 6:3 conservative-leaning Supreme Court.
All this is to say – even though cities like Austin, Miami, Fort Lauderdale, and others score high on some of the above criteria, they are cities in deep red states, and dating folks with a queer sexual orientation, there can become much trickier very quickly and very soon.
This isn’t meant to sound too striking and depressing, of course. Even Texas and Florida are hopefully unlikely to become as bad as the Middle East or other areas around the world – one has to hope that even Republicans won’t go that far. However, it’s difficult to expect to find the gayest city in America in Republican-controlled states.
The 5 Best Cities For Gay Dating
So, given all the factors above, why are the “gay cities” where you’d have the most fun and the most success dating? Where do same-sex couples have the highest chance of meeting and forming good long-term relationships in?
1. San Francisco, CA
The famous capital of the LGBTQ population in the US, San Francisco is top of the list, above any other city from California, New York, or any other gay friendly state.
The Golden Gate City doesn’t top every metric above, but it’s near or at the top in all of them, which no other gay-friendly city in the US can say.
Many of the other cities that perform well on paper and per capita are either a college town or are a liberal city in a deep red state.
San Francisco, on the other hand, has everything gay people can want – freedom, legal rights, the infrastructure and gay culture, societal acceptance, the annual Pride Parade, gay art galleries, and more.
2. Washington, DC
One of the best gay cities out there is also one of the most liberal ones – even more so than San Francisco, Los Angeles, or New York City.
Washington, DC, may not have one of the largest gay populations, but the city as a whole is so accepting of gay men and women and other members of the LGBTQ community that dating there is a joy.
3. Boston, MA
Boston, Massachusetts, is closely behind San Francisco and Washington in most aspects relating to the well-being of people from the LGBTQ community, even if most people wouldn’t think to put Boston in the Top 3 of the gayest cities in the US.
In fact, many places in other cities, such as San Diego, Los Angeles, and others above Boston, just because they have a few famous gay residents or large Gay Pride parades.
However, Boston very close to San Francisco and Washington in all aspects that matter – acceptance of the LGBT community, lots of gay friendly areas within city limits, every neighborhood is a “gay neighborhood, gay culture is thriving, and there is an abundance of awesome gay bars.
4. Minneapolis, MN
Minneapolis is another gay friendly city members of the gay community know to appreciate. While it falls short of the Top 3, Minneapolis isn’t too far off San Francisco either.
This is one of the “gayest cities” in terms of the overall size of its LGBTQ population, how gay-friendly its institutions and people are, and how free gay men and women are to express themselves in public with little to no fear of anti-LGBTQ violence.
Needless to say, there are also lots of gay bars or other gay-friendly establishments the LGBTQ population can frequent, and any gay male, female, or nonbinary person can see Minneapolis as one of the gayest cities in the US.
5. Portland, OR
Portland, Oregon, is also well-known as one of the most liberal-leaning cities in the US, as one of the top city hosts of Gay Pride parades and other gay-friendly events, as a place full of countless gay bar establishments within city limits, and as an overall prime example of how good of an environment such “gay cities” can create not only for the LGBTQ community but for everyone as a whole.
Honorable Mentions
There are many major cities, counties, and towns that can be mentioned here and that might have competed for the “Gayest cities” ranking if they were in a different state or had slightly different circumstances.
Austin is one of the first to come to mind, given that it is a huge liberal hot spot and gay acceptance is pretty widespread there. The “Keep Austin Weird” slogan isn’t directly related to LGBT communities and culture. However, it is a good example of the quirky reputation the city has earned.
Other good examples of that include New Orleans, which has a very active gay community and gay bar scene, and it, as a city, hosts lots of Pride events. New York, Rhode Island, the “Sin City” Las Vegas, Atlanta, Detroit, Denver, Cleveland, San Antonio, St. Louis, and other major urban centers with a large gay community can also be mentioned as contenders for the “gayest cities,” but, like New Orleans, they are all lackluster in one aspect or another, often in terms of the local legislature.
Still, this isn’t to say that places like New York or New Orleans aren’t good “gay cities” for dating within the gay community – they are certainly miles ahead of virtually all red counties anywhere in rural America.
However, neither “Austin weird,” nor New Orleans, nor Rhode Island with its Brown University or the Greenwich Village or Fire Island in New York City have anything on San Fran and it’s large and thriving gay community.
Another good question is how do the above five gay cities compare to European cities, famously gay-friendly cities, Australia’s New South Wales, or other big metropolises, such as Mexico City? This is, unfortunately, difficult to measure, as different countries use different metrics and statistics compared to the ones provided by the US Census Bureau, and not all of them match.
Overall, however, American people are more friendly to LGBTQ folks and respectful of others’ gender identity than even in many European countries. The fact that this attitude isn’t necessarily reflected in the legislature of many US states (or the federal government) is a different question.
Still, it’s not all doom and gloom – a city doesn’t need to have an openly gay mayor or lots of famous gay residents. At the end of the day, as long as the legislature isn’t actively hampering the LGBT community, as long as gender- and sexuality-motivated hate crimes aren’t prevalent (i.e., people are relatively accepting toward same-sex couples and the LGBT community more broadly), and there are enough gay bars and gay nightlife venues for people to meet at – dating there should be fine.
All That Being Said – Which City In The US Is The Ideal Place For Members Of The Gay Community?
So, which city is the “gay mecca” of the US? It’s neither New York City nor Los Angeles, though the answer still isn’t surprising – it’s San Francisco, LA, the gay city of all gayest cities.
Good ol’ San Fran simply has everything LGBT people would want, both while dating and as a whole – it’s a big city with a welcoming atmosphere.
In short, while most other gay-friendly cities and states, such as San Diego, Los Angeles, Austin, or Rhode Island, can have the occasional gay neighborhood or “gay ghettos,” such as West Hollywood or Greenwich Village, none of these can compare to “the gayest city” out there – San Francisco.
I’d like to think of myself as your friendly neighborhood dating coach, but the truth is, my journey didn’t start out that way. Like many of you, I found myself navigating the often tricky waters of dating and relationships. My early experiences were filled with awkward moments, misunderstandings, and a few heartbreaks that taught me invaluable lessons. I remember feeling lost at times—wondering if I’d ever find that special someone. It was during this period of uncertainty that I realized something: if I could turn my struggles into strengths, maybe I could help others do the same. I’ve always had a passion for connecting with people. Whether it was chatting with friends over dinner or sharing stories at gatherings, I found joy in understanding what makes people tick. That’s when it hit me: why not channel this passion into helping others navigate their love lives? And just like that, my journey as a dating coach began.
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