What people don’t understand is that unless we are comfortable with the prospect of ending up alone, we can not cultivate the skills required to build strong friendships and relationships, according to television journalist Azhar Fateh.
Most people think that giving up their fear of loneliness would mean that they will lose the will to socialize or will not put in the time and effort that is essential to go out on dates and make friends.
In reality, the fear of loneliness prevents us from expressing our emotions and creating healthy boundaries and without them it is impossible to create strong bonds, says Azhar Fateh in his latest video published on his YouTube channel.
How the Fear of Loneliness Holds Us Back
Azhar Fateh explains how the fear of loneliness holds us back. Consider this: A person living with an intense fear of ending up alone will feel the push to go out and socialize, he will be able to make connections but will not be able to cultivate them into a bond because he fears that people will abandon him if he was to assert his needs and share how he truly feels. However, the person on the other end senses the lack of authenticity and honesty and decides that he cannot trust this person and that leads to abandonment. The very thing that the person who craves social connections is trying to prevent. This vicious cycle replays every time the person living with a fear of loneliness tries to socialize.
If you still don’t want to listen to me and hold on tight to your primal fears then know that according to the Surgeon General of the US, it is loneliness that forces people into drug addiction, obesity, depression and even pushes them to commit suicide.
It is our fear of loneliness that imprisons us into unhealthy relationships. According to one study 93 million people in America suffer from loneliness and that leads them to settle for abusive partners or to try to salvage broken relationships.
How to Overcome Loneliness
If we were to accept loneliness as part of the human experience and know that we are all very capable of living happily should we not find a long term companion, that will give us the strength to assert our needs and be truthful and honest in our relationships. We will no longer worry about the consequences of creating boundaries.
Anyone who has a friend who is always willing to do anything he or she is told, knows that it is a huge turnoff to hangout with people who are always appeasing and never showing their authentic self. Authenticity is what creates the spark and cultivates it into a strong bond.
So the one benefit of loneliness is that if we were to wholeheartedly accept that we MAY end up alone and that will not be a bad thing then that will give us the courage to be genuine in our relationships.
The key is to understand that the natural encouragement to go out and meet new people and celebrate life with others will always remain with us despite accepting loneliness and not fearing it.
About 50% of Americans believe that they will experience a severe illness in old age but only 21% of people actually do so just because we have a fear of something does not mean that it will materialize. So get out and talk to people without any hesitation or fear.
One of the most interesting studies that I saw when I was researching loneliness was that the people who feel lonely spend the same amount of time alone as the people who have strong connections. So it is not as if your life will completely change if you have a very active social life. You will still find a way to spend the same amount of time alone as you did when you had no friends.
If you want to get over your fear of loneliness and be on your way to cultivating exciting relations that are built on mutual trust and honesty then the one thing I would recommend is mindfulness meditation.
It trains our brain to identify the different thoughts that enter our mind. Eventually it makes us better at seeing the differences between what is actually happening and the stories we tell ourselves about what is happening.