The phrase “A friend in need is a friend indeed” has its roots going back to years around 400 BC. It is as important a phrase today as at any other time over the 2,600 years since then. It basically means that if you are a friend to someone in need, then you are a true and valuable friend. The situation now is that millions of veterans today are very much in need.
There are approximately twenty-two million veterans in the United States and according to statistics, almost half of those, or nearly eleven million veterans, are struggling with their lives following their service in the military. It’s well known that approximately 22 veterans die by suicide every day, but what’s even more shocking is that on average 640 veterans attempt suicide every day, about 1,500 veterans plan their suicide each day, and 5,500 veterans have ideas about suicide every day.
Among the eleven million veterans who are struggling, the most common complaints are that people don’t understand them or they feel isolated and alone. The feelings of isolation are potentially very serious and are part of a cycle that is leading to the high incidence of suicide within the veteran community which is 1.5 times higher than in the general public.
What can we do as a society? We need to pour our energy into properly reaching out to veterans in our midst. We need to be better educated on what veterans are experiencing post-service, we need to be more comfortable talking about mental health and emotional challenges, and we need to learn how to best connect with veterans who live among us.
Is it just that simple? Can making friends with veterans truly make significant changes in their lives? The short answer is nothing is just that simple. People are complicated. A good friend of mine always says, “It’s never just one thing, it always seems like it’s ten things.” So, no there is no one thing we can do to change the lives of all these veterans. However, every journey starts with the first step. Being truly connected to our veterans is our first step.
There are actually six things people who are close to veterans can watch for to help them seek professional help.
- Sleep. If a veteran is struggling with restful sleep or not getting sufficient sleep there are treatments available to help. I had a sleep study early in my treatment and discovered my legs were moving 270 times per hour and that’s not restful sleep. Sleep is the most important aspect of a veteran’s healthy life.
- Alcohol or substance use: If a veteran believes they need alcohol or substances just to cope with getting through their days, they should seek professional help.
- Homeless: If a veteran is homeless or fears they will lose their home the VA has programs to help.
- Isolated: if the veteran feels isolated it is an indication of possible depression or other struggles. People with depression oven seek to be alone as their way of coping. That doesn’t lead to positive results.
- Relationships are a challenge: If the veteran seems to be the center of the storm in a manner of speaking when it comes to relationships, then that’s a potential sign of difficulties from their experiences during service.
- Harm: if a veteran talks about harming someone or themselves that is a very meaningful indication of a need for help
Even though this is a complicated issue with many facets, the process of healing starts with initiating one thing. The best first thing we can do as a society is to form meaningful relationships with veterans. Become a friend.
What does it mean to be someone’s friend? There are a number of different types of friends in our lives; some we call and speak to every day and share all details with, some we met in school or college, friends that we only speak and hang out with at work, and for those of us in the military we have battle buddies who can eventually turn into family.
Here’s 5 simple steps to make friends with a veteran:
- Make time for someone. All you have to do is make yourself available. You can just set aside ½ hour every week or two.
- Find common interests. Veterans are not just former military people. They have hobbies and interests just like anyone else.
- Listen. Sometimes we feel like we need to be interesting to be a friend. It’s more important to listen to the person you’re with. Let the other person talk.
- Be willing to share. When you do talk, be open and honest with the person you’re with. Veterans value honesty and integrity very much and they’ll see it right away.
- Consistency over time. Keep up the effort. Veterans can make friends quickly because they’re used to moving from station to station. However, some veterans seek to be isolated due to their depression and other mental challenges, so stay on course.
This is more than simply saying “thank you for your service.” We need to reach a little deeper and rebuild the tribe our veterans had grown accustomed to in the military. Friendships are a critical component of helping our veterans to find their best possible life after military service. Their best days are not behind them. We have a role in helping them discover the best of what lies within them and then reaching those new goals.
Bob Taylor is Former Major in the US Air Force and B-52 navigator/radar navigator who flew combat missions during Operation Desert Storm. He is the author of From Service to Success: New Mission, New Purpose, and a New Journey to a Great Life, the CEO/Owner of Alliant Enterprises, and founder of The Patriot Promise™ Foundation, which he started to help drive down the rate of suicides among veterans and to provide a clear path forward as veterans transition into life following their service.
Connect with Bob Taylor on: LinkedIn, Facebook and visit his website: Patriotpromise.org
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