From the moment we hear our first lullaby or memorable bedtime story, our parents’ words have an impact on our lives. More than just sharing advice or imparting life skills, the language parents use lays bricks in the foundation of their children’s self-image, helping to shape who they’ll be when they grow up.
It looks like American parents are taking more responsibility, too. A new Preply study shows just how conscious parents today are about the potential impact of their words—especially when it comes to gender-specific language and other stereotypes—as compared to previous generations.
Phrases American parents are careful about using
When it comes to parenting talk, careful doesn’t begin to describe it. The study shows a marked sense of mindfulness in the choice of language by American parents, with 43% avoiding gender-stereotyped phrases. The goal here is to create a balanced, stereotype-free environment for their kids to grow up in, rather than squeezing them into socially constructed boxes.
Sure enough, this conscious word-choosing manifests differently for sons and daughters. About 38% of parents with sons are intentional about how often they cheer them on with words like “brave” or “strong,” keen to steer clear from an overemphasis on traditional notions of masculinity.
On the flip side, nearly half of parents with daughters are wary of showering them too often with words like “pretty” or “beautiful,” trying to avoid too much emphasis on physical appearance. However, it’s not a one-size-fits-all approach: 61% of parents with more than one child try to adapt their parenting styles to better match their children’s unique personalities.
Although these adjustments signal positive changes, they’re certainly not without occasional slip-ups. At least 1 in 5 parents regret some language they’ve used with their kids in the past.
More revealingly, 3 in 10 parents specifically expressed regret over their past choices of words, particularly when discouraging certain behaviors. This speaks volumes about the evolving consciousness of parents—from realizing the impact of their speech to feeling remorse for past mistakes, and importantly, making an active effort to avoid repeating them.
Most common parenting styles in America
The study reveals a rich array of parenting approaches in America, where “authoritative” parenting takes the popular vote. But in the diverse parenting panorama of the U.S., there are some other notable approaches that stand out.
Stepping into the metaphorical lighthouse, many parents guide their children as, well, a lighthouse would! They provide clear guidelines and firm boundaries, always keeping an eye on their young ones while allowing them the freedom to explore and learn on their own terms.
Other parents opt for attachment parenting, rooted in principles of empathy, responsiveness, and trust, or gentle parenting, which focuses on understanding children’s emotions and needs, shunning punishments for misbehavior. Intriguingly, the study reveals a generational trend—the young parents of today are more inclined toward gentle parenting than their older counterparts.
However, as they navigate their parental journey, many are also taking a look back at their own childhoods. A significant 61% of Americans expressed a wish for their parents to have used language differently with them, providing even more insight into why they’re so careful with their own kids. But an encouraging 60% of parents believe they are making the grade, affirming that their more compassionate parenting style proves effective most of the time.
However, parents don’t live on an island, unaffected by the opinions and judgments of those around them. The specter of societal pressure looms large, with the biggest influence often coming from the elders in their family and other parents. In other words, “parent peer pressure’” is real!
But the silver lining here is that American parents are continually striving to evolve their parenting styles, focusing less on others’ inputs and more on what works best for their children.
Most common negative words American parents use
If you’ve ever parented or even spent some quality time babysitting, you know all too well that the struggle is real. Navigating tantrums, disobedience, and seemingly never-ending chores can, at times, shake up even the most Zen-like parent’s equilibrium.
As a result, parents are sometimes more negative than they’d like to be. Though Gen Zers and millennials see older generations’ parenting styles as more negative than their own, parents of all generations are guilty of doing this. The most common negative words they use are “naughty,” “spoiled,” “lazy,” “selfish,” and “bad.”
The survey didn’t stop at just words. It also revealed that a troubling 87% of parents resort to threats when their children misbehave. Another finding might surprise you: It seems our choice of words takes on a chameleon trait based on whose child we are interacting with. About 43% of parents admitted to tweaking their language when communicating with other people’s children.
These facts lend credence to the simple yet profound wisdom of language expert Sylvia Johnson. She reminds us, “The words we use on a daily basis influence the way we perceive ourselves, others, and the world around us. When directed toward others, negative language can harm relationships, lower self-esteem, and lead to a dispirited perspective toward life.”
It’s a stark reminder that our words sew the fabric of our children’s self-image and worldview. Even in exasperating moments of parenting, Johnson encourages us “to be conscious about the language we use, especially when dealing with sensitive beings like children.”
Easier said than done, you might think. But the not-so-nice findings shine light on our need to tread carefully through the minefield of language. After all, it’s not just about choosing words in one moment or another; it’s about shaping our kids for the rest of their lives.
Is shared parenting falling short in Pennsylvania? A poll finds it is!(Opens in a new browser tab)
Final Thoughts
Parenting is a unique journey. It’s personal, sometimes messy, but always filled with trial, error, and truckloads of love. Amidst all the readily available advice, remember that every child is different and what works for one may not work for another.
As the study underscores, no one has it all figured out. Everyone is navigating this ride together, learning and growing almost as much as our kids are. Perfection doesn’t have to be the aim—just nurturing your child in the best way you can.
Discussion about this post