Why is this subject, “Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts,” important in the world?
In the U.S., almost 50,000 people die a year, and roughly 700,000 do so worldwide. Suicide ends lives prematurely, devastates parents, children, friends, partners, and other loved ones, and results in tremendous loss to people, communities, and society. People who lose someone they care about to suicide are at higher risk for suicide themselves, which is one more reason to try to reduce suicide.
Suicide is a tragedy, but suicidal thoughts and nonfatal attempts also are deeply problematic. Like a high fever, they’re an alarm that something’s wrong. That problem might be mental illness, substance use, trauma, psychological pain, physical illness, unjust social conditions, or another correlate of suicidality.
The vast majority of people who experience suicidal thoughts survive. Even among people who attempt suicide and survive, most don’t go on to die by suicide. I’ve worked with clients who were utterly hopeless about life ever getting better – and they were wrong. If we can help people make it out alive, chances are high that they won’t choose suicide later.
What is the pressing issue right, and how are you addressing it?
An estimated 13-14 million people in the U.S. seriously consider suicide every year, including almost 1 in 5 high school students. If your parent, child, partner, friend or other loved one is one of those people, you know the helplessness, fear, and stress that can accompany loving someone with suicidal thoughts. I wrote Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts: What Family, Friends, and Partners Can Say and Do because people hunger for that information. I know this because, more than once, when I told people about my book in progress, they said, “Please hurry.” Or, sadly, “I wish I’d had that book when my ____________ was suicidal.”
Even mental health professionals receive little training on how to help suicidal people, which is why I published the book Helping the Suicidal Person: Tips and Techniques for Professionals five years ago (Routledge, 2018).
I also address the issue of helping the suicidal person with my website, Speaking of Suicide. The site has had more than 6 million visits, and it has something for everyone who’s been touched in any way by suicide or suicidality: people who experience suicidal thoughts or behavior, people who love them, people who have lost someone they care about to suicide, and mental health professionals.
Stacey Freedenthal Biography
What is your background in this subject?
My background is professional and personal. Professionally, I started receiving training in suicide prevention in 1995 when I volunteered for a suicide hotline in Dallas called Contact 214. Since then, my professional work has included providing therapy or crisis services to people with suicidal thoughts, conducting research about suicide assessment and intervention, teaching students and professionals how to help suicidal clients, or writing about suicide – or some combination of the above. Personally, I first experienced suicidal thoughts as an adolescent and attempted suicide more than once in my 20s. Close friends and family members of mine have experienced suicidal thoughts and attempts, and I’ve also experienced the suicides of people I cared about, starting in 10th grade when a friend killed himself.
What is something that most people don’t know about you?
Previously, I was a newspaper reporter for The Dallas Morning News. I joke that journalism and social work share a lot in common – in both fields, I witness people’s tragedies and pain, listen attentively, and get to know their stories. There are two crucial differences, however: In social work, I have skills to help the person who’s confiding in me, and I don’t publish what they tell me for hundreds of thousands of people to read. I have nothing against journalists; they obviously serve a vital function in a democracy, and the world would be a far worse place without them. But I discovered I was not a good fit for that job; it was too hard to bear the helplessness of reporting a tragedy with no tools to help.
What are your passions outside of your career?
Cats! I adore cats; if you’re a fellow cat person, you can see our cats on their own Facebook page, Calico Sisters and Friends. Other passions include hiking in the Rockies, snorkeling in the ocean (which obviously I don’t get to do very much), traveling, reading, creative writing, and spending time with my husband Pete, son Ian, and other family and friends.
Are there any social causes that you believe in and support?
As a social worker, I very much value social justice and my efforts to achieve it. This can take many forms, from fighting cyberbullying to supporting social programs to alleviate homelessness. Some of the causes I especially support include suicide prevention, mental wellness, social services, and animal welfare.
What is next for you?
I’m working on a memoir about my personal and professional experiences with suicide. And I still have my day jobs: I’m in my 18thyear on the faculty at the University of Denver Graduate School of Social Work, and I have a small psychotherapy and consultation practice specializing in helping people who experience suicidal thoughts, have attempted suicide or have lost a loved one to suicide.
Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts
Tell me about your book.
My book is for people who wonder what to say and what to do with someone they worry – or know – is considering suicide. I’ve found that most people, even many mental health professionals, have a lot of fear around directly having a conversation with someone about suicidal thoughts. They fear giving the person the idea, being intrusive, angering the person, or some other negative outcome. Yet we know from research that asking about suicidal thoughts doesn’t increase suicide risk and even helps. And we know that most people don’t get upset about being asked about suicide, and even those who do report the feeling passes very quickly. Speaking what, to many, is unspeakable helps dissolve stigma and make such conversations easier down the road, too.
But asking about suicidal thoughts is just one chapter in the book. Other chapters address myths about suicide, self-care, how to help someone get help (including when to call the police), ways to help the person stay safe, what to do after someone attempts suicide, common conflicts that arise when someone’s considering suicide (like, the person won’t get help and you really want them to), and what to do if you feel manipulated by someone who talks about suicide. The last two chapters address hope and recovery.
One other thing about the book: Although it’s titled “Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts,” it actually doesn’t apply only to those who love someone with suicidal thoughts. The information applies to anyone who might worry about someone they know or care about. In addition to family, friends, and partners, the person they worry about could be a co-worker, student, church member, neighbor, or someone else they want to help.
He lived three decades as a bald man and then went “undercover”(Opens in a new browser tab)
Where can people buy the book?
Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts is scheduled to be released on Jan. 2. Right now, it’s listed for advance sales on the publisher’s site, Amazon, Bookshop.org, Barnes & Noble, Wal-Mart, and Target.
Discussion about this post