Getting married is a big and exciting step in most relationships. It is often one of the most special times in our lives. It begins with the day a groom decides to propose. A whirlwind of happenings begins from there. If you’re planning to propose or are already on your journey to tying the knot, a great and fun experience lies ahead. One that you and your significant other will remember for years to come.
The Engagement Ring
Planning your proposal begins with the engagement ring. Choosing the perfect option can be difficult for any groom. You want to find a beautiful ring that matches your spouse-to-be’s style and taste. But you also want a ring that will stand the test of time and stays within your budget. While the average cost grooms spend on an engagement ring tends to be around $5,000, roughly a one-carat diamond, there are no rules or formalities. You should plan to spend at least a few thousand dollars. Financing an engagement ring is not typically recommended by financial advisors. The great news is there are ways to save money on this item. You can explore different metals and stones to reduce your costs. Today, not all brides want a traditional diamond and gold setting.
While you may want to make your proposal a surprise for your partner, you can have a general conversation with your partner in advance to see if they’d prefer to be part of the process or leave choosing an engagement ring up to you. Allow yourself 3-4 months to shop for a ring before you propose. If you opt for a custom-designed style, you may need more time. You’ll get to know the various metals and materials, engagement ring styles, and prices during this time. Always make your purchase from a reputable jeweler. Be sure to factor appraisal and jewelry insurance into the overall expense. Renter or homeowner insurance typically isn’t enough coverage; given the cost, this is not an item you want to leave to chance.
The Proposal
Regarding the proposal, there is no shortage of ways to ask your partner to marry you. We’ve all seen those big, elaborate efforts and surprises in movies or on television, like asking at a major sports event or a house full of fresh flowers. But a great proposal is about what will make your partner happy, and you and your partner will enjoy it together. It also doesn’t have to be costly. Consider whether your partner would prefer a private or public event and if they’d like a grand gesture or something more low-key. Next, make sure you’re prepared for the logistics of the proposal. Decide where you want the event to take place and what you’d like it to entail and include. If you’re planning on something public, make sure you have a backup plan in case something unexpected happens. For example, your first location might be too crowded, or if it is outdoors, the weather may not cooperate. Planning is key. You can also talk with close family and friends for ideas and input and even enlist them to help you prepare.
Before you start planning, talk about the future with your partner to see if they’re ready for marriage and what long-range they envision with you. This doesn’t have to spoil the surprise! But you’ll want to be sure they’re on the same page. Don’t forget to capture the moment! Family and friends can also help here, or you can hire someone. If you want an intimate proposal for the two of you, you can set up a video camera on a tripod.
The Wedding Process
After the initial buzz of the proposal wears off, the reality of wedding planning sets in. The road from “Yes” to “I do” is much longer and more complicated than most couples think, even for simple low-key weddings. Most wedding experts say that it takes between 6 and 12 months to plan a wedding, no matter the size. This amount of lead time is needed to make a budget, book vendors, invite all the guests, and prepare all the legal matters, like fulfilling the marriage license requirements.
At the start, the list of to-dos might seem daunting. You and your future bride will embark on the effort together at this stage. While many grooms prefer to leave all of the decisions to their partner, others are hands-on and involved every step of the way. There is also the option to work with a wedding planner. Some venues offer this as an add-on or part of your booking. Talk with your significant other about what he or she has in mind for the planning process and any events before the wedding, such as an engagement party, the wedding itself, and the honeymoon. Include your budget during this conversation, so you know what to work with. It is said that the general average cost for a wedding is $25,000. But it doesn’t always have to be. Many couples prefer a small event with just a handful of family and friends. Some couples have hosted fun outdoor barbeques in the backyard or at a park at very little cost to celebrate their nuptials. The options are endless. If family contributes to your wedding costs, connect with them in advance to discuss your budget and timeline for expenses. Include costs for attire and accessories in your expenses.
Though your big day and wedding process is about you and your bride, it’s important to consider your guests as you coordinate. For example, destination weddings or formal events can leave guests with extra costs and planning. Don’t be surprised or offended if some are unable to attend. There are often guests who have restricted diets or other special needs. Do you want to include children in your invitation? If not, parents may need to plan for childcare before your big day, and so on. Talk with your bride-to-be as you organize your event to be sure you’re taking account of your guests and what will make your celebration enjoyable for them. A word about gifts! Many brides and grooms expect money or other gifts for their wedding, while others do not. As a rule, gifts and money should not be required. The assumption that attendees of your wedding and related events should cover your costs is typically not considered proper etiquette. Regarding guest expenses, such as travel costs, attire, etc., including your wedding party, it is customary for these costs to be incurred by those individuals instead of the bride and groom.
Typically, there are a few gifts given to participants and guests. This is most commonly groomsmen, bridesmaids, and parents of the bride and groom, plus a small token or takeaway item for everyone that attends your wedding reception. Online shopping has enormously helped with options and various costs for many of these items. If you are giving gifts, be sure to add them to your timeline and schedule and set aside a budget for them.
The Wedding Rings
Last, don’t forget about your wedding rings! You’ll also want to explore and determine what you and your future bride would like here, including style, materials, stones, and other specifics, along with what you can spend on each. It’s a tradition that each person pays for the other person’s ring, and costs can vary from a few hundred dollars to several thousand, depending on your preference. It is ideal to allow extra time to shop and choose your rings and include appraisals and jewelry insurance on your to-do list.
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The Honeymoon
You and your bride should map out your honeymoon early in your planning, including what you both want and your budget. Many couples choose to wait months or even years before taking their honeymoon to allocate their budget to the wedding, engagement party, etc. Others leave for their trip right after they’ve said, “I do.” Like all other aspects of your wedding, the sky’s the limit! Choose what is right for you.
Dustin Sitar is the Managing Editor of The Groom Club, an online resource to help grooms with the engagement and wedding process.